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Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place

CD Knowles 3 months ago

Dear Knowles,

I’m caught in a very difficult and unhappy situation. My husband and I are both religious Christians, conservative in our outlook and frequent church goers. We have five children ranging in age from six to seventeen. We know that our eldest, the seventeen-year-old, has gay tendencies and my husband is insistent on hiring a spiritual counselor from the church to work with him so that he’ll learn how not to be attracted to other boys. I’ve done a little research on these “reparative” or “conversion” therapies and don’t believe they work. In fact, I think it’s quite the opposite: Young people being given drugs that make them nauseous while they look at homoerotic photos sounds like cruel treatment that leads to confusion and self esteem problems, perhaps even to suicide. I may be religious, but I love my son and want him to be happy no matter whether gay or straight. What shall I do? I also love my husband very much and don’t like going against his decisions.

I hope you can help,

Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place

caught

Dear Caught,

My advice to you? Not all preachers are backwards. I suggest you find one who will tell your husband just how cruel and abusive conversion therapy is. While you’re at it, you might want to point out to your husband that god made all creatures, including your son, who is a perfect creation in god’s eyes. I don’t believe god is narrow-minded, but hardcore Christians, such as you and your husband, certainly are. Why on earth would you want to change someone because of their sexual orientation? Interesting to view this through the same lens as the Christian right coming down so hard against transgender people who wish to transition … hmmm: they want to force some folks to change, while forcing others to remain the same. I wonder also about how your husband regards you, his wife. Are you expected to treat him with utter devotion and do exactly as he says? Is he the lord and master or do you have some autonomy? My advice to you is to wake up and take control of your life (which means helping your children) before it’s too late.

Best,

CD Knowles

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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.