I was maid of honor at my best friend’s wedding ten years ago. Since then they’ve had three children and a wonderful marriage. Or so I thought until a month ago when I saw her husband with another woman in a restaurant in New York (we live in Cleveland) and it was clear from the way they looked at one another and kept touching and holding hands that they were intimate. The husband didn’t see me, but I was able to observe him from across the room and it made me sick. About a week later I saw him with his wife and he was all lovey-dovey, like nothing had happened and there was no other woman. He goes to New York frequently on business. Now whenever I see my friend, I can’t stop thinking about how her husband’s two timing her and want to give her a warning. I don’t think it’s a good idea to be as clueless as she is, but I don’t want to be the one to ruin her life with bad news either.
Can you please tell me what to do?
Dear Concerned Friend,
In an ideal world, if it were me, I’d leave the whole thing alone to sort itself out. What the wife doesn’t know won’t kill her. The marriage could go on as happily as it seems with the husband having affairs on the side and the wife oblivious and in the long run it wouldn’t matter because the couple would continue together with an intact family until death do them part. Do you see where I’m going with this? We’ll call it Approach A. For you, whenever you see your friend, you will probably think, she doesn’t know her husband’s two timing her, poor thing, and feel it somehow incumbent upon yourself, primarily for your own peace of mind, to inform her of her husband’s dalliance. Whereupon her whole world — and her childrens’– will fall apart. That’s Approach B and if you choose to take it, your friendship with this woman may also fall apart just by dint of your being the bearer of bad tidings. Sometimes the wisest course is to keep quiet and let fate play itself out as it will. I hope this answers your question.
All the best,
REACTIONS TO MY BEST FRIEND’S A KLEPTO
Dear Best Friend,
First: you should never leave things of value lying around your house. Second: if you discover your friend’s a thief, then you should just drop her — why have her around at all? If you confront her, your friendship will just go to hell, and if you don’t say anything you’ll be forever be suspicious of her. No need to keep someone like that as a friend. Sincerely,
– Jerome W, Port Washington, NY
Dear Best Friend,
I’d install a nanny cam and then confront her with the tape and suggest therapy. I doubt that you’ll ever restore your friendship, but who knows? Obviously she has problems and with a little help she may turn back into the person you once knew. All the best,
– Charla S, Tampa, FL