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My Best Friend’s a Klepto

CD Knowles 1 month ago

Dear Knowles,

I tend to leave cash and jewelry around my bathroom, nothing significant, a few dollars, some beads and a few costume pieces. I also have very nice makeup, lotions and lipsticks. Recently I’ve noticed some things are going missing. At first I thought it was the housekeeper. Then I figured out that it couldn’t be my housekeeper, but was in fact my closest friend. There’s a pattern. Lipstick or a twenty dollar bill or a jar of expensive moisturizer seem to disappear after her visits. She’s a woman of some wealth, which makes this even more peculiar. I’m not sure what to do. We’ve know each other a long time and the situation is very awkward. Your advice would be much appreciated.

My Best Friend’s a Klepto

klepto

Dear Best Friend,

Here’s what I suggest. Leave very specific things out on your bathroom counter, or wherever, when your friend comes for a visit. (You should also photograph items and where they are for visual cues.) If any of those things are missing after her visit, you pretty much know for sure you’ve nailed the perp. (You could also install a “nanny cam” in your bathroom if you want to be totally sure.) How you deal with your friend, of course, is the bigger question. You could talk to her directly about it. For instance, sit her down with a glass of wine or cup of coffee and gently say: “I know you’ve been taking things from my bathroom and I’d like to know what’s going on. Are you okay? Are you trying to give me some kind of message?” The point is to let her know you’re not angry, but concerned, and you just want to talk about what’s going on. It’s a psychological problem, and a very interesting one. Obviously you don’t want to involve the police.

I wish you luck,

CD Knowles

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REACTIONS TO FRUSTRATED WIFE

frustrated wife

Dear Frustrated,

I really think you ought to take a lover. You could use a dating site for seniors. That way you could have your cake and eat it. Enjoy!

– Daniel J. Brooklyn, NY

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Dear Frustrated,

I would be happy if my husband lost his sex drive! It must have been hard for your husband to be so honest with you, though I guess he didn’t have much choice since his body kind of shut down. He sounds like a dear sweet man. I’m sure you’ll figure it out. Sincerely,

– Jane W., Seattle, WA

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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.