Well, this is the second of two firsts: 1) I went on dating site 2) I’m consulting an advice columnist. As far as the dating site goes: my husband of forty years passed away eighteen months ago, and I decided, at age 67, that I needed companionship, so I signed up for Senior Singles. Here’s what’s crazy — the first man I met was a go! Seventy, handsome, kind, intelligent, from a similar background, likes the same things I do, music, travel, restaurants, theatre, he even gets along with my children and grandchildren (and I with his). The only problem is this: he wants sex all the time and I’m just not interested. Seriously. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but that part of my life is over, and I don’t know how to make that sink into his brain. Thoughts?
Closed Legs, Warm Heart
First, congratulations on trying something new, especially after a loss. And for succeeding. It sounds like this man is a keeper or will be once you’ve resolved your differences. I’m sure you realize that you’re under no obligation to be sexual with someone, no matter how beloved, if you don’t want to. That is your decision entirely. Many people live happily together as couples without being sexual. There are all kinds of ways to have a relationship. You can share your lives, travel together, build an intimacy and not necessarily share a bed. Or you can share a bed, kiss and cuddle but not have sex. It’s up to what the two of you decide. And who knows … you may grow physically amorous as the relationship develops. However, if his need for sex is greater than the joy he gets from his relationship with you, that would definitely be a bad sign and you would be wise to reconsider. My best suggestion in situations like this is always to have a little couples counseling. I wish you luck.
REACTIONS TO I LOVE MY MAN, NO MATTER WHAT
What bullshit. You may not have gotten pregnant on purpose, but you’re sure using the pregnancy to get your guy. That seems profoundly dishonest to me. Either you want the kid or you don’t — it’s up to you. Pushing the guy into making the decision is just plain unfair.
Gladys R, Brooklyn, NY
I agree with CD, the decision is ultimately your own. Given your age, my advice would be to carry on with the pregnancy. Even if you’re left on your own with the baby, you’ll have done the right thing and will be able to live a full happy life with nothing on your conscience. In my opinion, this is God’s will. Sincerely,
Edward J, Fayetteville, AK
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.