I’m a twenty-six-year-old female. Most of my friends use online dating apps to meet guys, but I’ve always found that difficult and a little dehumanizing. All the fake stories people tell about themselves, like posting pictures that make them look skinny when really they’re fat, or young when they’re actually well into their forties. And all the writing one has to do to make oneself seem interesting. Frankly I’d rather stay home and read or watch TV than go through the ordeal of a manufactured date with someone who will most likely turn out to be meh. But I don’t want to be on my own forever, and I don’t have many friends who know appropriate guys to set me up with, so I have no choice but to try my chances online. The last date I had was a bust. I think it really soured me. I’m smart, pretty, a good conversationalist, and things seemed to be going really well. We had plenty to talk about, he was cute and seemed to appreciate me, and there was definitely chemistry. We’d only planned on coffee but ended up having dinner as well, and after the date he walked me to my car and kissed me. I took that as a good sign, but I never heard from the guy again. So, I was ghosted and it really hurt my feelings — badly enough for me to say fuck it re: online dating. And yet here I am, lonely and with no one to go out with, so I know I’m going to have to go the online route again. Any advice? I’d like to get married eventually and not be sitting all alone in my apartment.
Thanks in advance,
Don’t Want to be Single Forever
You’re quite right: you’re not going to meet anyone staying home in your apartment. Here’s the deal. You have several choices. You can throw yourself on the mercy of friends for blind dates (doesn’t sound like that’s happening). You can go out to bars, dances, events with friends and see if you have any luck. You can join meetup groups on the theory that you’re more liable to meet like-minded people through activities you enjoy, so if rock climbing or theatre or art openings float your boat, that’s definitely something for you to explore. Or you can bite the bullet (as you’ve indicated) and consider dating apps. Really there’s nothing to be afraid of if you stick to the following: 1) set things up so you’re in charge. Choose a coffee shop to meet your date and don’t spend more than half an hour with him. That will give you enough time to decide if there’s something there or not. If you like the guy, you can plan to go out with him again. If he ghosts you, so what — you shouldn’t put that much emotion into it anyway. 2) think of this as a business. It could easily take you a year or more to meet the right guy, so know from the beginning you’re gonna kiss a lot of frogs before the prince shows up. The point is you have to keep trying. Plan on at least one to two dates a week. Don’t lie about yourself and don’t try to be anyone but who you are. If you’re interested in a serious relationship, put that out there from the beginning. Remember, you always want to be straightforward to avoid false hopes and misunderstandings. 3) try to relax and have a good time. There’s nothing to lose. If date #1 doesn’t work out, onto the next. There are literally thousands of guys out there and eventually you’re guaranteed to find the right one. I promise.
All the best to you,
REACTIONS TO OVERCOME BY PAGEANTS
I don’t agree with Knowles. We had our daughter in pageants for years and she turned out to be a sweet, loving, generous person. Not only that, she learned many different skills, such as poise and leadership; bottom line, she gained confidence, and has become someone who can function and perform well under extreme stress. We’re very proud of her.
Wanda C., Charlotte, NC
My wife wanted our daughter in beauty pageants, but I put my foot down and said, “Over my dead body.” First off, I didn’t want a young child wearing makeup, false teeth, false eyelashes, clothes that made her look like a woman instead of the child she was. Second, I didn’t want to spend the money. Third, I didn’t want to put all that time into something that could turn my daughter into a shallow, selfish, stuck-up bitch. There you have it.
Brian K., Fayetteville, AK
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.