I’m embarrassed to ask this question, but how do you know if you’re in love? And no, I’m not an adolescent. I’m thirty-five years old, a software designer for a gaming company, and male. I’ve dated quite a number of girls, was fixed up with some, but met most on dating sites. None of these relationships lasted very long: either the girl or I lost interest. Or the girl would seem ok, sweet and pretty, but I figured I could meet someone better for me and needed to keep looking. Well, I guess I could go on looking the rest of my life. Recently I met someone whom I’m very attracted to and like being with — we have really good times together — but how do I know she’s the right one? I don’t mean to sound cynical, but there are so many of them out there. I like her as well, or better, than most of the others; we have similar educations, political views, backgrounds, etc. but is that enough? And yes, my heart does go pitter-patter when I see her, but it’s done that before, so I don’t know how to gauge the situation. Can you help? I’d be ever grateful.
Feeling Like a Fool
Very good question and one that I’d be hard pressed to answer since it’s so subjective. It is true that with the advent of dating sites, there seem to be endless possibilities. So you can meet a person for a coffee or a drink and they seem nice and you seem to have hit it off well, but then you pull back, thinking what if there’s someone out there who’s better, sexier, smarter, I just gotta keep trying. And there’s the problem: the grass is always greener elsewhere and you’re hooked on all those possibilities, all those what-ifs. My advice to you is to think of what you really want in a partner. Sit down and make a list. Be very specific. Ask yourself if your current girlfriend has any of the qualities on the list. If she doesn’t and you still want her, then you have a kind of answer. If you can’t imagine your life without her, then you have another answer. If you want to be with her all the time, if she puzzles, mystifies and delights you, that’s a third answer. And here’s a big one: if you prefer being with and talking to her over anyone else in the world that’s a pretty sure fire indication. If she feels like home to you, a person you could picture yourself having children with, whose kisses melt your heart: BINGO. Go slow, take your time, but don’t take too much of it. And don’t let yourself fall into that trap of the grass is always greener.
I hope this helps,
REACTIONS TO WHAT’S A LITTLE PUN OR TWO
Ew, if it were me, I’d drop him. One pun’s okay, but a steady stream is deadly and from my experience punsters never stop — they use their habit like a weapon. (I know because I used to be married to one.) I wish you good luck, but my advice is get out while you can.
Wilma D., Boulder, CO
I associate puns with great cleverness and intelligence. I know they can be annoying, but if you tell the person to tone it down a little, they probably will. In my experience, the punster needs admiration but not encouragement. If they write the puns down before saying them aloud, it helps. Here’s the thing: if you get two or more punsters together it might make you crazy, but you’ll have a blast and it’ll make you more appreciative.
John C., Philadelphia, PA
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.