Before my wife and I married we agreed we both wanted children. This was something we talked about a lot, how many children we wanted (at least two), how we would raise them, where we would live, what sort of schools they’d go to. We’ve been married for six years. My wife, a physical therapist, is now approaching thirty. I have a good job in IT. We’re well situated to have children and it’s time, but when I try and broach the subject with my wife she backs off. Recently she told me she didn’t think she could handle a pregnancy, and what with climate change and all the terrible things going on she now thinks it’s wrong to bring a child into the world. She kept reiterating that she loves me and is very happy in the marriage, but she just doesn’t want children anymore. Well, this is a big surprise to me. I love her too, but I don’t want to go through life without children. Please tell me what to do. I really don’t want this problem to put an end to my marriage. I love my wife.
I’m sorry to hear this. If your wife has made up her mind — no matter what she might have said in your courtship — there’s nothing much you can do. It’s her body, she has to bear the child, and it’s her right to refuse. The best I can advise is to keep talking. Don’t argue; just be sweet and reasonable, very clear about your thoughts on the subject and your desire to have children. If you still can’t persuade her, you will have to consider ending the marriage and finding another partner. Be particularly clear with yourself about which is more important to you: your relationship with your wife or your desire for kids.
I wish you the best of luck,
REACTIONS TO FRUSTRATED FRIEND
Why do you want to hang around with someone so selfish anyway? If there’s no give and take, there’s no friendship, so what’s the point? I say do yourself a favor and ignore this person. You’ll feel a whole lot better. All the best,
Jody C., Newport RI
I figure you must find this person interesting or you wouldn’t want to set her straight. I understand that, but I also understand that someone with a personality disorder like narcissism needs professional help. Group therapy where she could get feedback regarding her behavior from multiple sources is the best bet. I suggest you and your yoga friends attempt to push her in that direction. Good luck to you.
Joel C., Lakewood, NJ
Submit your question to Knowles Knows here.
Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.
Ask her how she would feel about adopting a child or two. Perhaps you could become foster parents for a time.