I am in a terrible quandary. I’m thirty-seven years old, with my own successful business as a dog trainer and show handler. Over the years I’ve had a string of boyfriends, none of which has lasted … until recently. A few months ago, I started a relationship with a guy who lives in a different city. We have a lot in common and I’ve fallen in love with him, which felt good until, shockingly, I discovered I was pregnant. I asked him what he wanted to do. First, he said he’d move to Dallas and we’d live together and bring up the baby. Now he seems more ambivalent and it’s evident that he believes I’m trying to trap him, though I’ve assured him that I will do whatever he decides: keep the baby if that’s his wish or end the pregnancy if he’s more comfortable with that. I just want to be with him. Having a baby would be good, too, but I don’t fancy being a single mom. What should I do to show him he can trust me?
Thanks in advance,
I Love My Man, No Matter What!
You are going about this backwards. It is, first and foremost, your decision whether you want to carry this baby to term or not. Leaving it up to your beau puts him in an unfair quandary. And forcing such a decision on him seems more like entrapment than reaching an agreement between the two of you after some good long honest discussion that would clarify both of your points of view. And so, the first question you have to ask yourself is whether you want children at all. If the answer is yes, then consider how you would feel being a single mom. This is a new relationship. Although hopefully this won’t be the case, it could break up after the baby arrives and then what? You’d be the thing you say you don’t fancy — a single mom. See where I’m going with this? Make up your own mind first. If you decide you want the baby and then find out your guy isn’t on the same page, you’ll have another decision to make, but you’ll have learned something valuable about yourself and you can go from there.
I wish you luck,
REACTIONS TO DINGED UP
Dear Dinged Up,
Yeah, yeah you left the scene of an accident, but you were wise not to leave a note on such a banged-up car. I’m not sure I’d contact the person by mail either, though if you’re worried about Karma you could send them a cashier’s check for a hundred bucks. That’s my two cents.
Harry S., Elgin, TX
Dear Dinged Up,
Well, without witnesses there wasn’t much you could do about such a minor accident. I agree with Knowles. Get the person’s address, year and make of the car through their license plate number and then maybe consult your mechanic about a fair price. Doesn’t seem so difficult.
Harriet K., Framingham, MA
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.