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Irritated Wife

CD Knowles 1 month ago

Dear Knowles,

I am thirty-nine years old and have been married for eight years. Three years into the marriage, when I was thirty-four, I got sick with breast cancer. I had a good prognosis, excellent doctors, and a year after treatment I was declared cancer free. I’ve been healthy ever since. The problem is my husband, a good man, although he’s a worrier. He’s always been very protective of me, but since my illness he barely can stand letting me out of his sight for even a minute. (We own a Postnet franchise and work together.) No matter what I say, he hovers over me, way more concerned about my health and well-being than he needs to be. It’s suffocating and I don’t know what to do about it.

Can you help?

Irritated Wife

irritated wife

Dear Irritated,

Best to let him know, heart to heart, how you feel. Tell him gently, kindly, but firmly that you’re fully aware he means well, but no one knows your body and health the way you do. His over-concern and protectiveness are aggravating. It’s not only important, but wise for you to be able to make decisions as you wish. This brings confidence and helps you grow as a person. Plus, he’s your husband, not your doctor. One thing that might help is if the two of you come up with a code word you can use when he’s getting in your face too much about your health. If he can’t understand what you’re talking about, start treating him like a child or a precious hothouse plant, and see how he feels. And ask yourself what makes him so anxious about you, what might have happened in his life to cause this kind of fearfulness. An answer to that question could give the two of you a lot of insight. Hope this helps.

Best,

CD Knowles

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REACTIONS TO UNHAPPY WIDOW

unhappy widow

Dear Unhappy,

Bad news to go after someone else’s husband. Why would you want to do that? There’s no way you can expect anything other than heartbreak and despair… and a dark cloud to follow you wherever you go. If you know what’s good for you, you’d be well advised to stop before it’s too late.

Karen S., Detroit, MI

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Dear Unhappy,

If, as you say, there’s a mutual attraction between the two of you, then go for it. Remember, when it comes down to it, all’s fair in love and war even if the circumstances seem a little dirty. I began a relationship with my second wife that way and haven’t looked back since.

Jerome W., St. Louis, MO  

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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.

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