I have a question for you. I’ve been a faithful wife in a twelve year marriage. I would say my husband and I are a happy and well-suited couple. Our sex life is good and we’re the parents of two happy, well-adjusted children. About a year ago I started having online sex with a number of different partners. This is totally impersonal. I don’t get hung up on any of the people, don’t exchange personal details, don’t do anything but have a brief and actually quite innocent good time. I figure as long as no one knows any better, no one gets hurt. This doesn’t mean I love my husband any less (actually my online adventures make sex with him even better). It just adds spice to my life, and, as I said, no one is the wiser. Do you think what I’m doing is wrong? It’s not like I’m having a love affair. Instead it’s a very practical way of getting a little extra sex and I don’t see why I should hurt my husband’s feelings by letting him know about it. Please let me know what you think.
Dear Sexy Wife,
The very fact that you wrote in with your question tells me that you have doubts that your online behavior is a good idea. I can see that it’s very sexy and titillating to carry on affairs with total strangers who will never really know who you are or anything about you or your life; in a way it’s having your cake and eating it too. But while the affairs are anonymous and virtual, they take a toll on a marriage just by their obsessive and secretive nature. Actual partners may not creep between you and your husband, but the excitement and guilt of going outside the marriage will almost surely have an effect on your relationship. This is not like masturbation with its experience of deep, private pleasure. This is shared masturbatory sexual pleasure with another being whose actual physical existence is remote, but who exists out there in the real world anyway. Think how your husband would feel if he knew what you were up to. Put yourself in his shoes or turn the situation around and you will have your answer.
I wish you the best,
REACTIONS TO GUILTY CONSCIENCE
I believe one should NEVER be guided by guilt. If you don’t want to go to the damn funeral, then don’t go! You are the master of your own fate. Never forget that. Sincerely,
Kate B., Phoenix, AZ
Of course you should attend the funeral. It’s an important sign of respect. Just imagine no one attended your funeral — how sad would that be? We need to honor the dead. To make up some stupid excuse for not going could put a shadow on you. That’s my advice.
Sean H., Fort Worth, TX
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.