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Loving Mother

CD Knowles 8 months ago

Dear Knowles,

I need advice on a very private matter. I have three children, the oldest a twenty-year-old boy adopted at birth. He closely resembles my husband and we never told him the truth of his origins, a big lie, I know, but somehow we never found the right moment and now it feels like there’s never a right moment. To tell him the truth would cause so much emotional pain that I’m not sure it’s worth the effort. And yet I worry that he might find out on his own and that he needs the information for medical reasons. So I guess I have two questions: can we leave him happily unaware that he’s adopted, and, if not, how do we tell him?

Thanking you in advance,

Loving Mother

Guilty with Love

Dear Loving Mother,

It’s quite imperative that you deal with this issue with your son. The longer you wait, the harder it will become. He deserves to know the truth, both for medical reasons and because his history is important if he is to live a genuine life. Think of it this way: If he were to have his genetics tested, as many people do through companies like Ancestry.com, he would discover on his own that he had been lied to about his identity. Is that the way you’d like him to learn the truth? Telling him is another matter. You know your son, so you can probably plan the best way to tell him. My suggestion is to be as straightforward and loving as possible. You have something serious to discuss about his origins, you were wrong not to tell him from the very beginning, your lack of transparency was out of a desire to protect him, this boy, your son, whom you love with all your heart.

I wish you the best,

CD Knowles



disgusted husband

Dear Disgusted,

If my wife sat there eating bon bons all day and didn’t listen to my preferences, I’d divorce her. Just saying.

Justin P, Baltimore, Maryland


Dear Disgusted,

Cut your poor wife some slack. She bore you two children in a short time and you’re going on about her weight??? How about you try back-to-back pregnancies, let alone just nine months of a baby growing inside you, making you feel sick. Goodness, I hope you feel some shame.

Donna J, Tampa, FL


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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.

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