I am a single parent — my fourteen-year-old daughter’s dad hasn’t been in the picture for a long time. Since she turned twelve, I’ve had trouble disciplining my daughter who talks back, won’t do as I say and seems to hate me. Mysteriously she always has a few dollars in her pocket (I don’t give her an allowance and don’t know where her money comes from since she doesn’t even do anything like babysit). I’ve searched her room when she’s not around and found no drugs or anything particularly suspicious that would give away her habits or pastimes. She does all right in school (C’s though she’s smart and could be doing a lot better). She seems to have friends, a bunch of catty girls from what I can tell who are always putting down the less popular kids at school. If she goes out with boys, it’s behind my back (most of what she does is behind my back). The one thing I know is she’s always busy with her cell phone. Recently I received a complaint from another parent that my daughter was saying mean things about the other person’s daughter online and that this was beginning to happen more and more frequently. When I confronted my daughter about this, she went ballistic, denying the claim and telling me I was a total fool (and disloyal mother) to fall for that kind of B.S. I work hard to make ends meet, am tired and worn out and don’t know what to do. Please advise me. I need all the help I can get.
Mom of an Out of Control Daughter
Your daughter is indeed out of control. I will keep my advice short and sweet. Start talking. First, go to the school guidance counselor. Request a meeting with the other mother and both girls. Talk to the school administration about help for your daughter. She needs therapy. And you need to take her phone away. BTW, while you’re at it, you could use guidance on how to deal with adolescent girls. As long as your daughter can wrap you around her finger, she’ll get away with whatever she wants, and who knows where that will lead — drugs, jail, bad boyfriends, who knows. Fixing this problem starts with you. Better get started.
Best of luck,
REACTIONS TO MY BODY MY CHOICE
Dear My Body My Choice,
I had an abortion many years ago. While I didn’t regret it (I was far too young at the time to become a mother) I never quite got over it. I mean by that I always wondered about the child whose life I terminated, but I know I did the right thing. It is my belief that souls are eternal and incarnate when they are supposed to — on God’s time, not ours. If it doesn’t work out because the mom’s ill or too young or has been raped, the soul will embody at a later date. We are all so critical of one another. I went ahead and had a family when I was ready, and who knows? One of my beautiful children may be that one I had to let go all those years ago when I had an abortion. You did the right thing.
– Penelope J., Kansas City, MO
Dear My Body My Choice,
You think it’s your choice, but it’s not, because it’s WRONG to take human life and that’s what happens when you get an abortion. You could have adopted the kid out or had a relative raise it — in my opinion there’s always a better choice than abortion. Life is sacred, to be enjoyed and protected at all times.
– John B, Wichita Falls, TX
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.