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My Mom’s A Hypocrite

CD Knowles 4 months ago

Dear Knowles,

I love my mother, but it sickens me to see how hypocritical she is. She and my father divorced six years ago, when I was twelve, and now she goes around sucking up to all these guys she goes out with and would like to marry. In reality, she’s a slob, a really bad cook and homemaker, and she’s lazy — she’d spend all her time on the couch, watching TV and eating bon bons if she could. But she pretends to be on top of everything, neat and tidy, a perfect mother when the house is a mess and she barely knows how to deal with me. On the plus side, I have a free place to live and I help her out as much as I can. But it makes me crazy the way she always shows a false image of herself to the world and expects me to chime in with her point of view. My question is, how do I get her to take a good honest look at herself?

Thank you very much,

My Mom’s A Hypocrite


Dear Mom’s A Hypocrite,

How do you get your mom to take a good, honest look at herself? That’s not your job. Here’s the deal: if you live for free in your mother’s house, you follow her rules, not yours. If you don’t like her rules or her lifestyle or the bogus way she presents herself, too bad — I suggest you move out. The only person’s life you can change or have opinions about is your own. Your mother sucking up to some guy? That’s her business and unless she asks, your opinion simply doesn’t matter. By being in her house, you’re living her life, not yours, so again I suggest you move out. If it’s not possible to move out right now, then wait, keep your mouth closed and find a way to save up for rent someplace else. That’s the best I can offer. You’re eighteen years old. Time to grow up.

CD Knowles



break up

Dear How,

Personally, if I were your therapist, I’d want an explanation. Think of the anxiety and concern the poor woman will experience not knowing why you quit. For her to grow as a practitioner she needs reasons and not just a voice or email saying you won’t be coming in anymore. So, put on your big girl panties and go talk to her. Sincerely,

Jenny F., Austin, TX


Dear How,

I agree with Knowles, keep it short and sweet. You’ve paid out tons of money to the therapist, it hasn’t worked as you might have wished, you’re not comfortable with her, time to say goodbye. There’s really nothing to tell her other than that you’d like someone with more experience. That’s it. Best of luck,

Joe P., Brooklyn, NY


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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.

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