I’m thirty years old and looking for love. Yes, I say that loudly and clearly, this girl is ready to meet, pair and partner with the right guy. By ‘right’ I mean age 30-45, reasonably good-looking and athletic, well-educated, which means at least one post graduate degree from a decent university, witty, worldly, well-traveled, with a love of art (lots of museum going), cooking, books, movies, dogs, not necessarily in that order. I’m not a camper or even a glamper or appreciator of picnics or days on the beach since I’m fair-skinned and dislike sand, insects, outdoor food. In fact, I’m an urban creature and would appreciate the same in a partner. I’m a strawberry blond, shy, pretty, smart, and I work as a research assistant to a linguistics professor at a large university. I have no problem with people from other countries or cultures. So far, I’ve tried Bumble, Tinder and Hinge and have had awkward first dates where we had nothing to talk about, or dates that I thought went really well, and then no follow-up but eery silence — I was ghosted. What do you advise, CD? I’m ready to settle down, start a family, and I swear I sometimes lie in bed at night and feel my ovaries grinding out those eggs, and worry about my future and whether life will pass me by.
Ready for Love
This is a hard one and it requires patience, endurance, a sense of humor and a bit of planning. Obviously, the best way to meet someone is through friends or common interests. A bar is risky, though I’ve heard of relationships and even marriages that start that way. First, I suggest that you get very clear with yourself about what you want in a man. Be as detailed as possible, including looks, habits, age, work, etc. After you do that, make a list of your desires, interests, goals. Then start researching meetups or groups in your city that revolve around things that really excite or entertain you. If you enjoy reading, look for events at local bookstores. Gourmet cooking? Find groups that meet at interesting restaurants. Hiking, rock climbing, biking, skiing, table tennis, squash — there are meetups for all of those. If you’re an art lover, go to gallery openings and exhibitions. And don’t forget the dog park; that’s a great place to meet people. But while you’re busy with all this, make a deal with yourself: You will go on a minimum of one date arranged on a dating site a week. Grow a thick skin, it doesn’t matter what the person thinks of you. Agree to meet at a coffee shop and give it no more than an hour. If you like them, there’s no need to play games — be up front and say you’d like a second date. If you don’t like them, or don’t hear from them again, onto the next. Treat this like a business and be methodical. Eventually, after a ton of frogs, you’ll find your prince — it’s really just a matter of statistics. And remember, no matter how daunting this sounds, in a way it’s the most exciting time of your life. You’re free, and although you’re on a serious mission, it’s undeniably a big adventure.
REACTIONS TO TROUBLED BY MY DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
I really feel for you. My daughter-in-law hated me so much she refused to even be in the same room as me. I’d give her gifts and try and take her out for lunch, but it was no use. She’d accept the gifts, but I’d never see her use them. And she’d never take me up on my invitations. So, I just kind of stopped trying to be around her. Eventually the bitch divorced my son so the whole thing’s moot and now I get to see my son whenever I want. Best,
Kathy R., San Diego
I learned from the beginning to give my son and daughter-in-law a lot of space, so there was never much trouble. In fact, the daughter-in-law was always calling me for advice and recipes. Once she started having children, she really appreciated having me around. I suggest you take their lead and don’t impose yourself.
Darlene H., Little Rock
Submit your question to Knowles Knows here.
Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.