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Spinning Upside Down, Relief From Trump Disorder?

Boyd Taylor 6 years ago

Cerebrum Health Centers located in Farmers Branch, Texas, closed its doors March 30 and filed for bankruptcy protection last week. The north Texas chiropractic clinic claimed to treat brain disorders by spinning people upside down in a chair.

A 2015 joint investigation by The Dallas Morning News and KXAS-TV found that while in office, Gov. Rick Perry steered more than $2 million in taxpayer money to the clinic to study whether the chair could help cure PTSD in veterans.

Despite Cerebrum’s failure, another company, Let ’er Spin, based in Fairfax, Virginia, claims that its own spinning chair business is a great success.

“In fact, it’s the greatest success the world has ever seen,” says a company spokesman who used to work in the White House press office.

The spokesman went on to say Let ’er Spin’s spinning chairs were based on a completely different technology, “As different as axis rotation is from precession.”

When asked to explain the difference, he declined, “The important thing is, after a few minutes of upside down spinning in one of our chairs, you get immediate relief from Post-Trump Stress Disorder, or PTSD, as it is known.”

The spokesman admitted that spinning upside down does not provide immunity from the Trump syndrome, “There’s just too much Trump in the air for that,” he said. “But when you feel yourself getting stressed from the Trump world, a daily regimen of spinning upside down will put the world right side up again for at least eight hours.”

Most of the spinning chairs have been marketed to former Trump administration officials.

“Those guys need months of spinning upside down before they feel like themselves again,” the spokesman said.

He also explained that many Trump cabinet members have secretly installed the chairs in their offices. Some even take their calls from their president while spinning upside down to make the conversations bearable.

The chairs are not cheap. The spokesman would not disclose the cost but did say that they are priced in the vicinity of a Ben Carson dining room set ($31,000). The real opportunity is marketing to American voters, 70% of whom are said to be suffering from some form of Post-Trump Stress Disorder.

“If we can get the price down low enough, we’ll have most of America spinning upside down every night,” the spokesman said, though he did admit that a lower-cost spinning chair will be hard to produce. “It has to be made in China, and the President has already implemented over $200 billion in tariffs on Chines goods.”



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