I have a very shameful secret that I can’t share with anyone and I wonder if you can help me. I have fallen in love with my best friend’s husband. It’s not that he’s handsome or sexy or anything. It’s just that he’s so nice. I’ve never met anyone like him, helpful, honest, intelligent, always there with a quick smile and nice words to say. If I’m depressed and gloomy, he comes along and cheers me up with his cheerful attitude and kindness. Frankly, I don’t think his wife deserves him. She’s extremely mean and bosses him around all the time. He’s so nice, he just does exactly what she says. They don’t have children and have been married to one another about ten years, but they don’t seem matched at all and I can tell from our conversations and the way he looks at me that he likes me as much as I like him. I don’t know what to do. Whenever I’m around him it’s like there’s this electricity between us and I’m afraid my friend will notice. We’re neighbors and so we see a lot of each other. I should add that my own husband died in an accident a few years ago, leaving me with ample funds to live on. My friend’s husband is kind enough to help with chores around the house and to advise me on finances. In all ways he’s a wonderful help. Please tell me what to do.
My advice to you: stay away from this man. He’s not your husband and belongs to someone else. You may think there’s electricity between you, but something like that is easily imagined, especially in matters of the heart. It’s easy to hope and dream and fantasize, and if you’re lonely those hopes and dreams will grow bigger and bigger … until they cloud your vision entirely. I suggest you do some soul searching. This person is a neighbor who helps you with chores around the house. Better to find someone else to help you. And definitely better to use a professional for financial advice, certainly not someone you’re attracted to — that’s pretty dubious. Ask yourself if you really want to break up another person’s marriage — and why. That’s not good karma, girlfriend. There are, as they say, plenty of other fish in the sea, why start trouble by poaching on someone else’s territory? If you’re looking for love, try another route; go online where you can make your wishes clear as most people do these days. That’s the most practical route.
I wish you the best,
REACTIONS TO IN LOVE OR NOT
Dear In Love,
They say love is blind and probably that’s true. In my own case, it’s a feeling, unlike any other that I wish I could bottle — butterflies in the stomach, the sense that life has suddenly moved from black-and-white into technicolor. Without that feeling I doubt there will be magic or romance in your marriage. Good luck to you.
Ella T., Rhinebeck, NY
Dear In Love,
Personally, I don’t think one needs all the bells and whistles for a successful marriage. The romance can wear off, but it’s the friendship, the sense that it’s the two of you carving out a good, solid life together that’s important in the end. So, before you take the step, make sure you’ve got a solid relationship that works.
Jeff F., San Diego, CA
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Disclaimer: CD Knowles is not a doctor or psychotherapist. Any opinions expressed on Knowles Knows are just that — opinions.